7 ... the world has gone completely mad
[April 2002]

Well, I'm sorry .. but this has got to be the daftest piece of bureaucracy that ever arrived on the planet. To allow Aimée to visit the UK, she needs her own UK passport.

Now, when I say her own, I really mean her OWN. You know the normal kinda thing ... send several passport photos, signed as a true likeness and all that by someone who has known her for two years or more (errr !?), lots of forms, signed by the passport holder (now that really would be bloody daft). In years past, a kiddy would be simply added to Ma or Pa's as an addition ... but now ... well, that would be far to simple now wouldn't it?

Ho hum ... but who are we to argue with these highly paid politicians who's only concern is the ceaseless striving for a Utopian world for all of us lemmings to inhabit ... ? and this is obviously just one of so many signs of their complete care for our safety and well being (ahem). So off to one of the local supermarkets we trot, where a handy photobooth is sitting near the checkouts and Dynamite Dad sits with a recently woken Aimée (rather audibly filling her nappy), as I put the 4 Euros in the machine and desperately trying to get her bleary eyed face to point in the right direction in time for the flash - before she gets upset, meanwhile leaning right out of the booth so I'm not in the picture too ... now ... just stop for a second and really picture the scene.

Laugh ?... I swear the checkout girls were about to call security.

If I subsequently discover that this passport is intended to last for the normal ten years, I really will sign up to the looney bin unaided. (where undoubtedly said politicians will already be waiting in line for a liniment rub and another biscuit to go with their afternoon milky tea and two sugars).

Oh ... and as we are in France, it is interesting to note that this costs twice what it would in the UK ... err ... so why's that then? ... oh, maybe it's a 20 year passport ? .. can you imagine a 19 year old in 2021 at NASA spaceport passport control handing over that?!

Aimée is now three weeks old and the little tike is already establishing her routines (4.30am really does exist !) and enjoys a drop of the good stuff courtesy of Abbie (or the 'old goat' as she has started to refer to herself). Breast feeding has certain advantages for sure, it comes ready warmed, there is no need for lengthy sterilisation and (I have always thought) the containers are so very well designed. Aimée tends to agree with me on all these points I feel. The sheer pleasure on her little face when she having a feed is a picture for sure (but not one Abbie would permit me to put on the website ... sorry about that).

She is certainly a little individual already and though her present activities revolve around sleeping, eating and not much else, she is very entertaining. She likes being in the bath, she is almost able to stand and can take her own weight already if she is supported (I'm pretty sure three weeks is a little early for such athletic activities ... and I tell her so ... but as a pre-cursor to later life no doubt, she takes no notice of me) and she has some very audible dreams (what of, who can guess ... but I'm betting she won't remember them, to tell us when she starts speaking).

All in all therefore, a very superior baby and one we will no doubt enjoy seeing grow and flourish. This does rather paint a picture of a little angel I am sure, but rest assured that she has given vent to earthquake-grade cries on a few occasions ... want to hear a couple of samples? Audio Clips are ... here.

So we are pretty sure her operatic career is in the bag if she decides to head that way in the future.

In addition, the musicians amongst you will understand the term 'circular breathing', normally practised by the better level woodwind players (a tricky procedure which allows them to playing a note whilst still breathing in). I am more and more convinced Aimée is practising this technique for her moments of crying ... either that or she is hiding some adult-size lungs in her diminutive frame.

 

D